Choose Your Battles – Save Your Life

Hello retirees and other cherished readers,

 

Do you ever get so angry that your face gets hot and your heart starts racing?  Do you sometimes react to that anger by lashing out at those you love, and saying words that wound and hurt?  Of course later, when you’ve cooled off and calmed down, you wish it was possible to take back those hurtful words.  In this post we are going to delve into several aspects of this rage; and see if we can find a way to “choose your battles” and maybe save your life in the process.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feeling angry is a natural human emotion and not necessarily good or bad.  Our actions and reactions to anger is what makes it positive or negative.  Uncontrolled anger or rage, usually ends up being negative and causing many problems.  Not only will it cause relationship problems, (and it most certainly will); it can also adveresly effect the health of the person unleashing the rage; and the person (usually someone close to them) who is routinely the brunt of their anger.

 

How does anger effect our health?

 

  • Heart – The likelihood of suffering a heart attack doubles in the two hours after an angry outburst.  Feeling angry and not expressing it in healthy ways, or repressing it, can also be detrimental to heart health.  When anger expressed and dealt with in constructive ways; it is diffused and is not detrimental to heart health.

 

 

  • Stroke – After an angry outburst, the person is more likely suffer a stroke (a blood clot that goes to the brain).  There are ways to cope with anger besides exploding.  We will discuss that later on.

 

  • Depression – People who are prone to angry outbursts are more prone to be depressed.  They see the world though a screen of anger and negativity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Immune system – People who are angry a lot of the time and have trouble managing or expressing their anger, without an angry outburst, tend to be sick more often.  Their immune system is affected by their anger.

 

  • Headaches – Did you ever get angry and upset and later you came down with a bad headache?  Anger provokes a flight or fight response.  The adrenal glands flood the body with stress hormones. Your muscles tense, your heart races, your mind is sharpened and focused.  A headache is just one of the after-affects.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • High blood pressure –  Anger causes an increase in blood pressure.  If you are frequently angry, you may suffer with chronic high blood pressure.

 

  • Increased anxiety – Anger and anxiety go together like the proverbial horse and carriage.  Uncontrolled anger can increase anxiety and worry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Skin conditions –  Anger and anxiety can sometimes contribute to skin conditions like exema, rashes and hives.

 

There are many things you can do to suffer from less anger; and ways to release your anger in productive and even helpful ways.  I am going to discuss how you can choose your battles; to not let your anger rule your life and ruin your health.

 

Choose your battles

 

When you feel yourself giving way to anger; there are some things you can do.  You are really not as helpless and controlled by your anger as you think you are.  If you learn some constructive ways of dealing with anger; you are more free to “pick your battles”.  You will be better equipped to decide how to handle your anger in constructive ways; and begin to know what is important enough to warrant expressing your anger toward a solution to the problem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Think before acting –  You have heard the saying “Count to 10 when you are angry”.  There is a little truth in that.  While you are counting you may cool down enough to begin thinking.  Ask yourself if the situation you are angry about is really as important as it seems to be at this moment.  Think about the other person involved.  Try to put yourself in their shoes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Walk away –  If you are very angry at someone, perhaps this isn’t the ideal time to confront them about it.  Give yourself some time to digest the anger; and find a way to release it in a positive manner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Pray – I have often found that prayer can be a solution to my anger.  As I pray about the situation; I feel my anger start to subside.  As my spirit begins to calm in His presence; I am more prone to be able to forgive. Also, talking things over with God can give me a different perspective.  Many times I am able to just lay the anger, problem and circumstance at His feet, and walk away lighter without it.  Other times, I find myself finding a way to confront, in love, and work toward a solution to the situation.

 

 

  • Keep busy –  If you are a person who is prone to anger; you may find that keeping busy is a way to keep your mind occupied positively.  There will be less time to feel angry.  I keep busy with my family, church activities, my music and songwriting, and by learning more about internet affiliate marketing at Wealthy Affiliate.

 

 

 

  • Grow a thicker skin – Most anger comes from a feeling of being slighted, ignored, devalued or unappreciated.  Learn to talk yourself through these feelings and to a place where you don’t get upset so easily.  Attempting to understand the other person’s point of view or reasoning may help.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Forgive – One of the things anger feeds on is unforgiveness.  If we become more forgiving and less judgemental; we will find that much of our anger will dissipate.  Forgiveness diffuses anger.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anger feeds on unforgiveness.

 

  • Judge less – Judgemental people are usually angry people.  Generally speaking, people will live their lives the way they want to.  If you judge them harshly, or continually confront them; they will eventually move away from you and migrate to people who don’t judge them so harshly.  How have you won in this situation?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Think positive– If we learn think positive more of the time, there won’t be as much time for negative anger.  Negative thinking is another thing that anger feeds on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If we take away the things that anger feeds on, it will begin to lose it’s power over us.  Think positive and count your blessings.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Smile and laugh –  Laughter can diffuse anger.  Have you ever been in a heated argument with someone; and something strikes you as funny.  When you start laughing, you find your anger dissipating.  People who smile and laugh more, are less prone to be angry and anxious.

 

 

  • Be more kind, and less “right” –  Is being right more important to you than your relationships with other people?  You will find yourself being angry, because after all, you are “right”.  Has your life become a yardstick to judge right and wrong, and good and bad?  Why is it so important that everyone knows you are right?  That leaves only one place for the other person to be; and that is WRONG.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Become less entitled – If you are constantly judging people by whether or not they are fulfilling your needs; you will be angry a lot.  See what you can do to help others, and think less about whether your needs are being met.

 

When you have thought through your anger, prayed about it, and diagnosed the problem; you will find that you may be able to forgive and forget without malice.  Many problems don’t seem as big if we give them a few days.  If you still feel that this is a problem you must confront; then you will be able to confront the person who is the object of your anger in a more constructive or caring way.

 

 

If you would like to read more about controlling your emotions, please click on the link below.

 

Managing Your Emotions

 

Thank you for stopping by.  I hope this post has been helpful to someone who is dealing with an anger problem.  Stop by again soon.  I will be writing new material weekly.

 

Please use the comment section below to express your ideas or feelings about the subject of this post.  If you have any questions, I will answer to the best of my ability.

 

At your service,

Jeannie

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Do I Have a Guardian Angel?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do I have a guardian angel?  Have you heard some of the stories of supernatural intervention by some unknown force?  These stories are hard to discount; though they are beyond our human understanding.  We like to think that these stories are “proof” that we have a guardian angel that watches over us; ever ready to protect and serve us.

 

The Bible doesn’t say we have our very own personal “Guardian Angel”. A celestial servant who is there to supply our every need, and push us gently out of the way, or block any harm that may come to us.

 

However, there are many Bible references about angels protecting people in the Word of God. And the Bible says that He (God) would give the angels charge over (to care for and protect) us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Psalms 91:11

 

“For He shall give his angels charge over thee,

to keep thee in all thy ways.”

 

This verse seems to suggest that there is not just one angel who watches over us. He will give his angels (denoting plural) charge over us. It does say that they will keep (protect) us in all our ways.

 

We’ve all seen the caricatures of a someone with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Sometimes it seems like there might be a grain of truth in that analogy.

 

There is a definite battle going on between the forces of good and evil in this world, and in our lives. Paul calls those forces “laws” in Roman’s 7; and explains the struggle of a new Christian. When we become Christians; we get a new nature; but the old nature doesn’t give up easily.

 

Roman’s 7 verses 21 through 25.

 

21.   I find then a law, that, when I would do good,

evil is present with me.

 

22.   For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:

 

23.   But I see another law in my members, warring

against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity

to the law of sin which is in my members.

 

24.   O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me

from the body of this death?

 

25.   I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord.

So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God;

but with the flesh the law of sin.

 

 

It stands to reason, that if there are angels sent to protect us; there are also “rulers of darkness” that are here tempt and harm us. So, on the battle rages for our soul.

 

Ephesians 6:12

 

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood,

but against principalities, against powers,

against the rulers of the darkness of this world,

against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

 

 

There are verses that tell us that God sends angels to the earth to do His bidding. This verse says that they excel in strength.

 

Psalm 103:20

 

“Bless the Lord, ye his angels, that excel in strength, that do his

commandments, hearkening unto the voice of his word.”

 

 

When the King of Syria sought to harm Elisha, the prophet; God sent chariots of fire to protect him. Were they being driven by angels? I have never actually seen an angel. Have you? Elisha’s servant couldn’t see the chariots of fire until Elisha prayed for his eyes to be opened.

 

 

2 Kings 6, verses 13 through 18

 

13.   And he said, Go and spy where he is, that I may send and

fetch him. And it was told him, saying, Behold, he is in Dothan.

 

14.   Therefore sent he thither horses, and chariots, and a great host:

and they came by night, and compassed the city about.

 

15.   And when the servant of the man of God was risen early,

and gone forth, behold, an host compassed the city

both with horses and chariots. And his servant said unto him,

Alas, my master! how shall we do?

 

16.   And he answered, Fear not: for they that be with us

are more than they that be with them.

 

17.   And Elisha prayed, and said, Lord, I pray thee,

open his eyes, that he may see. And the Lord opened the eyes

of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain

was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha.

 

18.   And when they came down to him, Elisha prayed

unto the Lord, and said, Smite this people,

I pray thee, with blindness. And he smote them

with blindness according to the word of Elisha.

 

 

Psalm 104:4

 

“Who maketh his angels spirits; his ministers a flaming fire:”

 

When Hezekiah; King of Judah heard that the Sennacherib king of Assyria was coming to war against him; he put on sackcloth and ashes, and prayed to the Lord.

 

 

Isaiah had this to say to him:

 

Isaiah 37, verses 33 through 36

 

33.   Therefore thus saith the Lord concerning the king of Assyria,

He shall not come into this city, nor shoot an arrow there,

nor come before it with shields, nor cast a bank against it.

 

34.   By the way that he came, by the same shall he return,

and shall not come into this city, saith the Lord.

 

35.   For I will defend this city to save it for mine own sake,

and for my servant David’s sake.

 

36.   Then the angel of the Lord went forth, and smote in the camp

of the Assyrians a hundred and fourscore and five thousand:

and when they arose early in the morning,

behold, they were all dead corpses.

 

The Lord promised to defend the city of Judah, and to save it for his own sake; and for His servant David’s sake.  He sent an angel (this time singular) and the angel smote 185,000 men from the Assyrian army.  God is the giver of life, and He can take it away.

 

 

 

God considers those who believe in Him as His children. He is concerned about all of His children; but especially the little ones.

 

Matthew 18:10

 

“Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones;

for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always

behold the face of my Father which is in Heaven.”

 

 

Angels behold the face of the Father; and the angels, authorities and powers are subject (or in subjection) to Him. Angels live to do the will of God. They don’t act, or react, out of selfish motives. Obeying and carrying out God’s commandments is their purpose, and reason for being.

 

1 Peter 3:22

 

“Who is gone into heaven, and is on the right hand of God;

angels and authorities and powers being made subject unto him.”

 

 

So what have we learned about angels from the Word of God?

 

  • There are angels (Psalms 91:11)

  • God has given them charge over us (Psalms 91:11)

  • They are spirits (Psalms 104:4)

  • They are as a flame of fire (Psalms 104:4)

  • They excel in strength (Psalms 103:20)

  • They do His commandments and follow His word (Psalms 103:20)

  • They don’t act with selfish motives (Psalms 103:20)

  • They come to earth to carry out the will of God (Isaiah 37:36)

  • They are in subjection to God (1 Peter 3:22)

 

 

 

Do we have a guardian angel? Perhaps we have a whole host of guardian angels? But they will only act on our behalf by the command of God. We do not want to make the mistake of thinking that angels are the ones who protect and watch over us; and let God out of the picture.  Or give them more reverence than is due them.

 

God has said that He would be our protector. He said that He would hide us in the shelter of His wings, that He is our strong tower, and that He is the tower the righteous run into and are safe. He said He would hide us in the cleft of the rock; and that He would be our shelter in the time of storm.

 

God is worthy of all praise.  He is the only God.  We are to have no other God’s before Him. Make no mistake. The angels obey the voice of God. Worshiping angels, or giving them honor that is not due them is a form of idolatry.

 

Angel means “messenger”. They are the messengers of God. They have come to do His bidding. They are spirits, perhaps beings of light. Our fleshly minds can lead us astray if we delve into this subject too deeply. We must not let anyone tell us we should give angels undue honor or worship. God warns us not to worship angels.

 

 

Colossians 2:18

 

“Let no man beguile you of your reward in a voluntary humility

and worshipping of angels, intruding into those things

which he hath not seen, vainly puffed up by his fleshly mind,”

 

It’s not a good idea, in my opinion, to try to get in contact with our guardian angel or seek to know his name or other things about him. Some people are using seances as a means to get in touch with your guardian angel. Other people are saying they can provide you with the name of your guardian angel for a price. Just remember that satan can disguise himself as an angel of light.

 

 

2 Corinthians 11:14

 

“And no marvel; for Satan himself

is transformed into an angel of light.”

 

 

Do we have I guardian angel? I believe God has angels that He sends out on our behalf. Is it the same angel always. I don’t know. But it is God’s angel; not mine. The angels do the will of God; not my will.

 

God is our refuge and strength and ever present help in time of trouble. Whether He chooses to use angels, or some other means to accomplish His will, is entirely up to Him. I will seek to trust in God and to obey and worship Him, and Him alone.

 

 

 

If you have any questions or comments about this subject; feel free to use the comment section below.  Your comments and questions are important to me.  I will answer them all as soon as possible.

 

Thanks for stopping by.  I hope you come again soon.  I love company; and my door is always open.  I will be posting every week; so there will be something new for you to read when you return.

 

At your service,

Jeannie

 

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How do I Conquer Loneliness and Loss?

It’s a fact, that as we grow older many of us must deal with the death, or departure of a spouse or another loved one. We are often faced with a life altering void we call loneliness.  After the numbness wears off; we find ourselves asking the question:  How do I conquer this loneliness and loss I am feeling?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a grieving process that everyone who has suffered this kind of loss must go through.  And we all will travel through it in our own unique way, and at our own unique pace.

 

Here is a piece of poetry/prose that I wrote the subject.

 

Without You

 

I sit alone with four walls closing in;

And silence so loud I can almost hear it.

The absence of voices and laughter;

Of discussions, disagreements and reconciliation.

 

Now there’s only me, talking to myself;

Trying to make sense of senselessness.

Wondering what went wrong

How can it be, that you’re gone?

 

Gone. What a lonely word!

Full of emptiness, regret and solitude.

And an aching longing that won’t subside

But winds itself, like a vine, through each minute of my life.

 

Why did you take you take my joy with you;

And let your memory here to torment me?

Stirring up a longing for things that are past,

And never will be again as they were?

 

Today has become something to endure.

Tomorrow looms over me like a shadow.

Yesterday is gone; yet remains in my mind;

Like an ink stain that won’t wash away.

 

Still I stand; I am still here.

You didn’t take all of me with you.

And something in me won’t let go of hope,

For a better day, some tomorrow, without you.

 

 

By Jean Brickley      June 16, 2017

 

 

There are stages we all go through in the grieving process. We may go through them in a different order or with different timing; but the stages are experienced by all.

 

In the book On Grief and Grieving, author, Elizabeth Kubler Ross, MD and David Kessler, describes five stages of grief as follows.

 

  1.  Denial

  2.  Anger

  3.  Bargaining

  4.  Depression

  5.  Acceptance

 

To read in more depth, you may purchase this book at Amazon. Just click on the link below.

 

It may help us to realize we aren’t the only ones dealing with loneliness and grief. Grief is experienced differently; but there are things that all grieving people have in common.

 

The lonely, or grieving person may get stuck for a while in one stage or another.  Or the order may be switched around in some people.  Or we may move in and out of the different phases.  Don’t be disappointed if you seem to go backward sometimes.

 

 

 

Let me recall my steps through my grief after the death of my father.  Perhaps reviewing this journey will help someone who is going through their own through death or divorce. His death came as a shock to me; because he was doing so well, even the day before he got sick and died.

 

I experienced the death of my mother first; but it was somewhat different, because she had gone so far down physically and mentally; that it seemed almost like a blessing to not have her suffer any more.  In spite of that fact; I still have had to walk through the different stages of grief, and in some ways I am still on a healing journey from the loss of both parents.

 

 

What I felt after my dad’s death.

 

I remember feeling numb, but yet so much pain; and I was in disbelief. I had to take care of things like the coroner, funeral arrangements, etc.  I went through all that in a daze. The numb feeling only lasted only a few days for me.  As I began to accept reality, it was replaced by an empty ache.

 

I suppose I felt some anger; but it was mostly a lot of “What if” questions. What if I would have taken him to the hospital sooner. What if the doctors would have handled it differently?  Did I make the right decisions for his care on that fateful day?

 

 

Perhaps I went from the denial or numb stage, through a stage of struggling to accept this as God’s will and straight to the questioning phase.

 

I think I would go in an out of the different phases according to how I was feeling that day.  I would think I was done crying, until something would remind me of him, and bring me back to tears.

 

 

My attention was drawn away from my grief, somewhat, while going through their belongings to get prepare for an auction.  This was both difficult and therapeutic.  I went through the gamut of emotions during this time.  And the day of the auction was heart wrenching.  It felt like strangers were coming in, buying and carrying off pieces of my parent’s life.

 

 

Next came the depressed stage.  The stage where I had to admit to myself that he really was gone.  Both of my parents were dead.  This fact was compounded by the fact that I was the main caretaker, and had been devoting a large part of my life to that purpose.

 

 

 

Their death left me with a void, where that purpose had been.  I am not one to get knocked down and just lay there.  I realized pretty quickly that I would have to find a new purpose to fill that void. 

 

 

I thought of taking a part time job; but I didn’t really like the thought of fighting traffic and joining the rat race again.  That’s when I stumbled across an internet affiliate marketing training program that you could start for free.  It was called, Wealthy Affiliate.

 

Wealthy Affiliate

 

If I joined with a free starter membership, I would also get seven days of free lessons; and two free websites.  I was impressed that they didn’t ask for money upfront.

 

Still, I didn’t join on a whim.  I researched to see if it was a scam.  To my amazement; the majority of reviews were overwhelmingly positive. They didn’t promise a “get rich quick” formula.  Right up front they said internet affiliate marketing would take hard work and time.  I needed something to fill my “loss of purpose” void and give me a new purpose; so I joined.

 

 

It was just what I needed.  I was kept busy, learning new things, and using my creativity.  I enjoyed making new friends in the community.  The amazing part was, my new friends were from many different countries and ethnic backgrounds.  It was interesting and fun to read the blogs other members wrote, and comment on them.  I loved writing blogs on the WA site, and getting positive feedback from other members.

 

 

If you have an interest in affiliate marketing; you can find out if it is something you would like without paying any money upfront.  Just click on the link below to check it out.

 

 

 

Joining WA helped me get through the depressive phase.  Time has helped with the acceptance phase. I think I am now in a healing phase.

 

If I were to add any phase to the wonderful list found in the book, On Grief and Grieving by Elizabeth Kubler Ross, MD and David Kessler; it would be the “healing phase”.  When acceptance takes place, we are then able to start healing.

 

 

Below are a few points of my own that may help you move through the different stages of grief smoothly.

 

  • Give yourself some adjustment time at the beginning.  If you need extra sleep, take it.

 

  • Be kind to yourself.  “What ifs” will plague you; but realize that you did the best you could.

 

 

  • Be forgiving toward others.  Friends don’t always know what to say.  They say the wrong things and can hurt us.  But being angry and unforgiving will not help.  Usually the offenders meant well.

 

 

  • Don’t allow yourself to remain isolated and alone for extended periods.

 

  • It may take every ounce of energy you have to remain in contact with friends, or go out to any event, or even to attend church.  But it is important not to isolate yourself.

 

 

  • Reach out to other people with a helping hand.  If you are helping others; your own pain will be relieved while you are caring for someone else.  There is no better remedy for loneliness.  And you will receive God’s blessings for helping others.

 

  • If you seem to be “stuck” in some phase (for instance, depression), check to see if there is a grief support group in your area that you could join; or talk to your pastor, or a trusted friend.

 

  • Don’t be afraid to ask for prayer, or pray for yourself.  God is always listening and He understands our tears.

 

 

 

  • Don’t let anyone to tell you how you are supposed to feel.  You feel the way you feel.  And it is important to allow yourself to feel, and begin to work through your feelings, so you can heal.

 

  • When you have worked through some of the phases; you will find it comforting to remember the good things about your loved one; even if it makes you cry.

 

 

 

  • Don’t be afraid to talk about the person you lost, especially to people who knew them well and loved them too.

 

  • Don’t hold your feelings in and act strong.  Not allowing yourself to cry, can prolong the grief process.  Just allow yourself to feel what you feel, when you feel it.

 

  • Find an interest.  Unwrap your creative self.  This is a good time to try a new craft, write a poem, learn to play a musical instrument, or take up painting, etc.

 

 

 

  • Allow God to comfort and heal you.  God sent the Holy Spirit to live inside us to comfort, guide and teach.

 

  • Count your blessings and cultivate positive thinking.

 

  • I have found it helpful to believe that my parents have gone on to Heaven, and are in a better place, and not suffering anymore.  I also find comfort in the fact that I will see them again one day.  We will be reunited in a land where there will be no more tears.

 

 

If you are grieving the loss of a loved one right now, please know that you have my sympathy.  If you need prayer, I will be glad to pray for you, or others in your family.

 

I hope that you have found something of comfort in this post.  Please use what you can and disregard the rest.  Everyone grieves differently. You must find your own path and walk in it.

 

Please feel free to leave a comment in the comment section below.  Your thoughts are important to me and I will answer all comments as soon as possible.

 

Thank you for stopping by.  Come back again soon.  I love company!

 

 

At your service,

Jeannie

 

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What is a Father?

I’d like to invite you to come along with me with me as I search for an answer to the question, “What is a Father?”

 

The approaching Father’s day weekend, has turned my thoughts to my own father who has gone to be with God, and my mother, in Heaven.  This post is in honor of my father, Dixon Waite.

 

Happy Father’s Day in Heaven, Pappy.

 

 

If you like poetry, you may read the poem I wrote for my father yesterday.  Here is the location.  Just copy and paste into your search engine.

 

https://my.wealthyaffiliate.com/jeanbrickley/blog/you-are-there-happy-fathers-day

 

I’d also like to take this opportunity to say

Happy Father’s Day to all you Dads out there.

 

 

What is a father?

 

As I contemplated this question, so many ideas came to mind. I will share some of my thoughts later on; but I thought you might like to see what Wikipedia has to say about fathers.

 

Father

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A father is the male parent of a child. Besides the paternal bonds of a father to his children, the father may have a parental legal and social relationship with the child that carries with it certain rights and obligations. An adoptive father is a male who has become the child’s parent through the legal process of adoption. A biological father is the male genetic contributor to the creation of the baby, through sexual intercourse or sperm donation. A biological father may have legal obligations to a child not raised by him, such as an obligation of monetary support. A putative father is a man whose biological relationship to a child is alleged but has not been established. A stepfather is a male who is the husband of a child’s mother and they may form a family unit, but who generally does not have the legal rights and responsibilities of a parent in relation to the child.

 

The adjective “paternal” refers to a father and comparatively to “maternal” for a mother. The verb “to father” means to procreate or to sire a child from which also derives the noun “fathering”. Biological fathers determine the sex of their child through a sperm cell which either contains an X chromosome (female), or Y chromosome (male).[1] Related terms of endearment are dad (dada, daddy), papa, pappa, papasita, (pa, pap) and pop. A male role model that children can look up to is sometimes referred to as a father-figure.

 

My thoughts about fathers

 

It is my opinion that fathering a child does make a man a true father. He gave his sperm to mingle with the mother’s eggs to produce an offspring; and is therefore called the child’s father.  But if he is not present and actively involved in the child’s life, he is not fulfilling the role of father.

 

A father in the truest sense of the word is one who is there, mentoring, teaching, nurturing, and cultivating a relationship. This person could be the biological father, an adoptive father, a step father, a grandfather, or just a mentoring person who is actively involved with raising the child.

 

 

 

We tend to think that the mother is the important person in the home, at least to the children. She is the nurturing one, right? She is the one that carries us around on her hip, kisses our hurts, rocks us to sleep and tells us how much she loves us. (If she is a good mother that is)

 

 

 

But children need both parents. That’s why God created marriage. Both parents have different attributes to contribute; and differences in how they interact with their children.

 

The dad is the one who carries them on his shoulders, “the bigger than life” figure that sees to it that they obey, the one who teaches them to play ball and ride a bike, and to use their brain for something other than a hat rack.  🙂

 

In an ideal world, there are two biological parents, who are married, raising their children to be healthy, happy and productive adults.

 

But…we don’t live in an ideal world.

 

So many children are being raised in one parent homes these days. Some men father children with no love in their heart for the mother of their baby. The mother is left with a choice of abortion, or raising the baby alone. The father figure for this unfortunate child is MIA.

 

 

Many couples choose not to marry even though they are living together.  So many, in fact, that living together without being married is not considered a sin by most young people.

 

They start having children without being bound by marriage to each other. It is my opinion that this family is building their house on the sand; because not having a marriage certificate, leaves separating an even more viable option.

 

Families are broken and torn apart. Sometimes the marriage vows are broken by infidelity; other times because of selfishness, unforgiveness, incompatabilty or abuse. In some cases, new families are formed in which one adult is someone other than a biological parent.

 

Children are expected to adjust to their new “family”, which may include other children who are not their siblings. There are jealousies, disagreements and sometimes physical fights between biological brothers and sisters while growing up.  Sometimes the hard feelings linger into adulthood.

 

But adjusting to living with other children, who are not their biological siblings, can be a nightmare for children who are already dealing with the heartbreak of divorce.

 

Single parent homes, though sometimes unavoidable, are not ideal circumstances for the children. Usually it is the mother who is the single parent.

 

She is forced into the impossible situation of being both mother and father to her children.  Without the father figure present, there is double the strain of raising children alone; while being the sole breadwinner.

 

 

Children from single parent homes are more likely to be depressed and have a lower self esteem.  They often don’t do well in school.  They may begin to use drugs or alcohol as a means of coping.

 

Fathers are important in the family unit.

 

Father’s react differently towards their children than mothers.  These sometimes opposite behaviors by their parents show the children that men and women are different.  They look different. They act different.  They have different outlooks and coping mechanisms. This is very important to their children’s development.

 

 

Fathers play with more gusto than mothers.  During this kind of rougher play, children learn what are acceptable behaviors.  For instance: biting, kicking and other violent behavior is not tolerated.  And they learn self control by being told to settle down when someone has had enough.

 

 

Fathers encourage children to take risks that their mother may discourage; like playing sports for instance. These kind of risks can build confidence and open a whole new world of experiences to a child.

 

 

 

Fathers are usually the ones urging the child to swing higher, run faster, or climb a little higher.  This encourages the child to stretch their boundaries and try new things.

 

Children gain confidence, and a wealth of experience, by succeeding or failing, while trying new endeavors.  All the while being cheered on by a proud father.

 

 

 

Fathers seek to prepare their children for life and it’s challenges and disappointments.  They explain to their children the consequences of certain behaviors.  For instance:  “If you don’t be nice and share with your friends; they won’t want to play with you anymore.”  Or, “If you don’t study and do well in school; you won’t get into a good college.”

 

 

 

Gender Identification

 

Having a father active and present in the home helps the child establish good gender identification.

 

Girls with actively involved fathers are more likely to have healthier relationships with men later in life.  They learn from their fathers how they should be treated and what behaviors are appropriate and what are not.

 

 

Boys who have actively present fathers learn about what it means to be a man from their fathers.  They will learn to understand the world from a masculine point of view.

 

They are less likely to be violent; because they have been taught by their fathers to channel their strength and masculinity in more positive directions.  An actively present father helps the son to understand proper sexuality, and male hygiene and behavior; even if only by observation.

 

 

 

Involved fathers can bring a dynamic into the home; that no other person can.  They teach the children in ways that no other person can duplicate.

 

 

Fathers, make no mistake.  You are important to your children’s future.  Actively involved and physically present fathers have a role to play in the family dynamic, that no other person can duplicate.  What you teach your children and what they learn from observing you, and their mother, will form and shape them into the adult that they will become.

 

 

If you have a father who is still alive; please acknowledge them this Father’s Day.  Fathers get so little appreciation.  And they may feel that their contribution to the family is not important.  They need to know that you love them and are proud of them.  While they are still present on this earth, wish them a Happy Father’s Day this weekend.

 

 

Please feel free to leave a comment in the comment section below.  Your thoughts, feelings and questions are important to me.  I will answer all comments as soon as possible.  Thank you.

 

Thank you for stopping in.  I love company and my door is always open.  Come back again soon.  I post every week; so there will be something new here for you on your next visit.

 

At your service,

Jeannie

 

 

 

 

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1000 Followers and Finished Certification Level 4 of Training- Wealthy Affiliate

Hello friends.

 

In keeping with my promise to take you along on my WA journey; I am writing this update reporting that I now have 1000 followers and I have completed Level 4 of my training.

 

 

My followers on the Wealthy Affiliate site has grown to 1000.  Wealthy Affiliate hosts a community of members.  When we follow each other we then have access each other’s profiles. We are then able to read each other’s blogs, like them and comment on them.  We encourage each other in these ways.  The community is great and I have made many new friends.

 

The ranking system is based on how many posts we write, how many comments we give and receive, and the  amount of likes we get, etc.

 

New members receive a very high rank coming in.  It goes down as they participate by writing blogs and commenting.  At first it requires very little time; but as we acquire more and more followers, the amount of time we spend in the community can become addictive and overwhelming.

 

 

The more followers we acquire, the more time is required; but our rank goes down.  As per my posts below; there are milestones to meet along the way  Such as Top 200, Top 100, Top 50 and then Ambassador.

 

https://thesuccessfulretiree.com/three-months-at-wealthy-affiliate

https://thesuccessfulretiree.com/top-100-at-wealthy-affiliate

https://thesuccessfulretiree.com/another-wealthy-affiliate-goal-reached-top-50

 

I was in the Top 50; but it was taking a lot of time and my website was suffering.  I started spending more time on my website and lessons, and less on community pursuits.  Since then I have been going steadily up in ranking.  I’m somewhere in the 90’s now.  I had to make a decision of what was most important.  My website won out.

 

 

The other achievement I would like to mention is that I have completed Level four of my lessons.  We are rewarded with a badge for each level we complete.  You can see my badges on my profile here:

 

https://my.wealthyaffiliate.com/jeanbrickley

 

Level 4 of my lessons seemed more difficult for me, because it dealt with getting involved in social media to promote your business.

 

I was completely green to Social Media.  To tell the truth.  I never really wanted to be a part of social media.  Since the lessons required that I get involved for the sake of my site, I had to start learning from my green state.

 

It has been a challenge learning to start using social media and also to begin to change my mindset concerning the use of it.  I still don’t understand it all; but I’m beginning to make some headway.

 

I am now a member of four social media platforms.  I will list them below if you wish to follow me.  I will return any follows as soon as possible.  I have posted on them all; but I still have a LOT to learn.

 

https://www.pinterest.com/JBrickley1226/

https://plus.google.com/u/0/102488191943987614374

https://twitter.com/JLBrickley10

https://plus.google.com/102488191943987614374

 

I will keep learning and applying what I learned until I am able to use social media in the best way to promote my site.

 

You may continue to follow me on my journey; or start your own journey with Wealthy Affiliate for free.  All you need to do is sign up.

 

 

You don’t pay anything to get started.  You will receive a free starter membership, 2 free websites and 7 days of free lessons.  All this can be yours for free:  just click on the link below.

 

 

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  Make it count for something.  Learn, grow and create with Wealthy Affiliate.  We will welcome you and help you learn and grow.

 

Learning is even more important as we get older.  Retirement should not be a time to stop learning and growing.

 

Remember, a moving stream is clear and pure.  But a still body of water becomes stagnant and unhealthy.

 

 

If we don’t use our brain to learn new things, and we aren’t creating or using our talents and abilities; our life can become stagnant.

 

If we aren’t learning and growing; then we get bogged down in emotions and health concerns.  Our mind is always busy.  If we don’t feed it new food; it chews and chews on petty everyday problems and concerns.

 

        

The same applies to our bodies.  If we don’t keep moving, we will lose our ability to move.

 

When we are young, we have an abundance of energy, and most children are in a state of perpetual motion.

 

But as we get older and begin to get aches and pains and experience a decrease in our natural energy, it becomes harder to choose to move.

 

If we give in and become a couch potato; our bodies will suffer from our lack of movement.  Being sedentary results in losing muscle, gaining fat and putting us in a position to acquire health conditions like diabetes and heart disease.

 

 

We need to keep learning, reading and staying mentally active to keep our brains from getting stagnant.  Wealthy Affiliate is one way to do that; but certainly not the only way.

 

 

We can read, do crossword puzzles, and other brain games to keep our brains active and healthy.

 

We can come up with some kind of exercise we enjoy, and do it regularly, to keep our bodies active and healthy.  Walking is one of the best exercises when we get older.

 

 

 

Thank you for joining me on my Wealthy Affiliate journey. This concludes the most current update on my progress. I will be giving you another progress update within a couple months.

 

If you have any questions or comments, please use the comment section below.  Your thoughts are important to me, and I will answer all comments.

 

Thank you for visiting.  Come again soon.  I love company and my door is always open.

 

At your service,

Jeannie

 

 

 

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Who Am I

Hi retirees and other cherished friends.

It seems that each one of us, at one time or another, has asked the question, “Who am I?”.  It seems like a simple enough question; but many of us don’t really know who we are, what our talents are, what we enjoy and what we want from ourselves, and from life in general.

When we retire we have more time to ponder this question.  But how do we go about finding out who we really are?  Sometimes we are so caught up in trying to be what others want us to be; it is hard to separate our own desires for our lives from the desires of those who would like to tell us who to be.

Just remember, it is your life.  No one else can live it for you.  We only get one chance here on earth to live the life we want.  If we let others dictate to us who we are or should be; there won’t be time to be the person God meant us to be.

I am not an expert in the art of self discovery, and remaining true to ourselves; but I do have some ideas that might spark your inner desire to find out who you are and what you want.  Use my ideas to craft your own plan of self knowledge and self endowments.

 

What are endowments?

Every human has four endowments – self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom… The power to choose, to respond, to change. Stephen Covey

Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/s/stephencov138246.html

 

Endowment (in philosophy) refers to the innate capacities of an individual, group, or institution. An individual’s “natural endowment” can be abilities, such as intelligence or strength, given at birth. An individual’s “social endowment” can be abilities attributed to the individual’s position within a social hierarchy.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endowment_(philosophy)

 

According to Stephen R. Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, there are seven human endowments.

 

 

I haven’t read the aforementioned book; but I’m putting it on my “must read” list.  Please don’t confuse my humble writings with the book written by Stephen R Covey, The Seven Habits of Successful People.  I recommend you read it to find out what he has to say.

I am borrowing Mr. Covey’s primary and secondary endowments as a place to start our investigation of self awareness and self actualization.  Other than the borrowed headings; the following are my own ideas and writings and not to be confused with his book.

 

Primary endowments

 

Self awareness or self knowledge

Many people seem to fear cultivating self awareness and self knowledge; because they think it is being self-centered or conceited.  In reality, we must know ourselves and love ourselves before we can truly know and love others.  Asking the question “Who am I” is a start in the right direction.

Imagination and conscience

Imagination is a wonderful God given gift.  We can imagine our future in great detail if we put our minds to it.  Imagination is neither good nor bad; but we can use it for either.

That is where conscience comes in.  God also gives us a conscience and when it is in proper working order; it will tell us the difference between right or wrong.  However, if it is ignored over and over; like an engine that hasn’t been greased, it is not reliable.

Learn to use your imagination for good.  Imagine what you want and how you will go about getting obtaining it.  Imagine a better YOU.  Then believe that you can achieve what you imagined.

 

Volition or willpower

There is not much good in imagining if we do not have the volition or the willpower to carry it through to reality.  Volition and willpower are also God given traits.

Babies learn as they grow.  They find out if they can do something by trying it.  As they grow, restraints are put on that spontaneity, mostly for safety sake.  But sometimes so many restraints have been put on us in the past; that we begin to think we can’t do anything.  Or we have been taught that failure is a bad thing; so the more we fail, the less desire we have to try new things.

Failure is neither good nor bad in itself.  It is what we make of it.  We can take it as a defeat, and a reason to stop trying; or we can use it as a stepping stone or a learning experience, and a catalyst to go on to something bigger and better.

 

Secondary endowments

 

An abundance mentality

I’m not sure how Mr. Covey meant this; but here is my take.  Some think that having more is better.  The newest car, the best house, many possessions will make the person.  But possessions are empty of life and will not satisfy for long.

The quest for more and more material possessions is empty and meaningless in the larger scheme of things.  Greed has been the downfall of many people; and can take any of us to places we never meant to go.

 

God wants to give us abundance of peace and joy and make our life fruitful and satisfying.  It has nothing to do with possessions or earthy status.

However, the other side of the coin is; that some think that there is no way out of the poverty they have always known.  They see nothing in their future that will take them beyond the valley to the mountaintop.  God can give hope, comfort and new life in this kind of circumstance.

 

Courage and consideration

Some people have lots of courage, and little consideration.  Others have an abundance of consideration and not much courage.  I think God meant for us to have a measured amount of each.

If we have courage; and little consideration, we will go after what we want; while running rough shod over others to get there.  We may find it is an empty victory in view of the loss of self respect, and the inability of the material to satisfy.

 

If we have consideration of others, and always put others needs above anything to do with self; we may find that we will begin to resent those to whom we offered our consideration.  This is not to say that we should not put others first.  The Bible says that we are to put others needs before our own.

What I am saying is; we are God’s people too.  If we don’t respect and love ourselves enough to do what we need to do; then we are not living up to our full God given potential.  We need a healthy balance of courage and consideration.

Creativity

God created us in His image.  He is the creator; but he meant for us to be creators too.  He gave each of us creativity in different areas.  He put within in us a desire to create.  If we haven’t allowed life and circumstances to stifle the creativity within us, we will be creative and create as God intended.  See my blog for more on this subject.

https://my.wealthyaffiliate.com/jeanbrickley/blog/we-were-made-to-be-creative

 

Self renewal

There are times that life throws us a curve ball.  Circumstances can occur that present us with a need to re-invent ourselves.  Some circumstances that are life changing are:  graduating from high school or college, marriage, divorce, job loss, health conditions, emotional breakdowns, etc.

We tend to think of some of these as endings; but they can also be new beginnings.  We have the God given capacity to rise above disagreeable circumstances and begin a renewal within ourselves.  God has said that He would give those who believe in Him a renewed mind; and that all things would become new.  Allow Him to begin that work in you, and He will make you into the person He created you to be.

 

 

Ten questions to ask yourself toward answering the question”Who am I?”

 

  1. What are my strengths?

  2. What are my weaknesses?

  3. What are my abilities?

  4. What are my hobbies?

  5. What makes me happy?

  6. What makes me sad?

  7. What angers or upsets me and why?

  8. Who do I admire and why?

  9. What are my passions?

  10. What are my convictions and spiritual connections?

I hope this post has sparked an interest within my readers to begin a search, within their own lives, for the answer to the question, Who am I?.  Self discovery and self actualization can be the beginning of a new and more fulfilling life.

Experiment by making up your own questions to ask of yourself.  Begin to know yourself on a deeper level.  Try to understand why you do some things and don’t do others.  What is behind some of the emotion you feel?  Look at the people you admire and decide what it is that attracts you to them.  Is this trait something you could cultivate within yourself?

Please feel free to leave a comment or question in the comment section below.  The thoughts and questions of my readers are important to me.  I will be sure to comment in return.

 

At your service,

Jeannie

 

 

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How do I Make Extra Money at Home

Maybe you are independently wealthy; and you don’t need extra money. Or maybe you are healthy enough to go out and work outside the home after your retirement. But if you are in need of extra cash and you don’t want to (or can’t) work outside the home anymore; then you may be asking, “How do I make extra money at home?”

 

I am assuming that since you don’t want to work outside the home; you are not up for robbing a bank either, right? Of course, if you want to look on the bright side; if you get caught you will no longer need extra money. In prison, your bills are pretty much covered. If you cherish your freedom; perhaps you would like to explore some other ways to make money at home.

 

Selling Handmade Arts and Crafts

 

 

If you are a crafty person, and have talent in the area of artwork, sewing or other crafts; you may be able to market the crafts you make. There are various outlets to sell your creations.

 

You could show your crafts at flea markets, or market them on consignment to retail stores. You would, however, have to leave your home. You could market your wares from home online with sites such as Ebay, Amazon, and Etsy. There are other sites that specialize in crafts like madeitmyself.com, meylah.com or society6.com (among others).

 

House Sitting

House sitting is a way to make some extra money; but obviously you will have to leave your own home to house sit someone else’s home. However, once you are there, you can let it become home until the wandering owners return; ready to lace your pockets with greenbacks. Not a bad deal at all.

 

The trick is finding who needs someone to house sit their house. Also, it may also mean taking care of a pet or two while you are there. Just make sure you know what is expected of you.

 

These websites may be of assistance to you if you think you would like to try house sitting. trustedhousesitters.com, mindmyhouse.com, housecarers.com or luxuryhousesitting.com (among others).

 

Pet sitting

If you enjoy pets and caring for them, this may be something you would enjoy. If the person is willing to bring the pet to your home; you wouldn’t have to leave your home; except if the care demanded it (such as walking a dog)

 

Of course, if you pride yourself on your immaculate, pet free home; this may not be the perfect money making project for you. There are many sites online, or you can look up places in your area. Here are two: petsitters.org and petsit.com

 

Sell garden produce or flowers

 

If you have a green thumb and a good sized garden plot; you may be able to sell your produce or starter plants. If you live on or near a main road, you can put up signs and watch the people pour into your yard to buy your fresh produce. If you don’t live in a good location; you may have to take your produce to market.

 

You can also start your own flowers and sell at a lower price than they sell for at the store; but you still have to have a place to sell them.  Perhaps you can make arrangements to sell them to a flower shop.

 

Sewing and mending

If you are good at sewing; you may be able to make extra money with your skill. Find a need and fill it with something you have sewn together. There are many ways to make money with this particular skill.

 

You can make new garments; such as wedding and bridesmaid dresses to sell. You can make and sell handmade quilts, if you like to hand sew. You can do embroidery very easily on the new embroidery sewing machines. The list of ways you can use this skill is practically endless.

 

If you aren’t into coming up with something new to sew together; you can always have people bring you their mending. Yes, some people still like to have torn garments mended as opposed to throwing them away.

 

You will need to advertise your services to get clientele. Hopefully, after a while, word of mouth may get you more work. Be sure this is something you like to do as well as being good at it; or it will get old quickly.

 

Making money online

 

There are many scams out there that promise that you will get rich overnight with their program, or their secret formula. They usually have a fee up front and as you get further in to the “program” there are more fees. Many people have been scammed in this way and lost money and the desire to use the internet to their advantage.

 

I won’t go into any of the different scams on here; but be aware that there are sites that will give reviews and point out scams. If you are thinking of attempting to make extra money on the internet; please be wary and check out any new venture you are contemplating by typing the name into Google; and “is it a scam”?.

 

If it sounds to good to be true;

it almost always is.

 

 

 

Internet marketing is not something you can make money overnight doing. It takes time, education, ability and most of all commitment. Some people are able to make money in a matter of months; however, it takes many people years to succeed in internet or affiliate marketing.

 

If you like working on the computer, writing, and learning new skills; and you aren’t expecting instant gratification; this may be the way for you to make extra money.

 

Wealthy Affiliate is the best online source for learning internet marketing; and you don’t pay anything to get started. You get a free starter membership, two free websites, and 7 free lessons. By the time you go through some of the lessons you know if you are interested in pursuing this way to learn how to make money online.

 

 

If you are interested; they offer your first month premium membership at a reduced price; which gives you another month to decide. There is a wealth of training and information at WA. It is sometimes referred to as Wealthy Affiliate University.

 

There is also a community of like minded people ready and willing to encourage and help you on your journey. It is a very diverse community from many different countries and various ethnic backgrounds. But I have never experienced such a caring and helpful community.

 

If you are lonely; this community will help to fill the void. There is only one drawback. It is very addictive. You can get so caught up in reading the interesting blogs composed by your fellow members and commenting; or writing your own blogs and answering the comments; that you forget to allow enough time for lessons and working on your website. 🙂

 

After your first month as a premium member; if you decide you want to continue, you have a choice to pay by the month or go yearly at a discounted rate.

 

There is nowhere else you can get the quality of training that you get at Wealthy Affiliate for the amount of money you pay. If you think that you might like learning internet or affiliate marketing, why not give it a try?

 

You have nothing to lose, and much to gain, by trying the free membership and lessons.  Just click on the link below.

 

 

I hope you have found something of interest to you within this post.  Please feel free to leave a comment or a question in the comment section below.  Your thoughts and opinions are important to me.

 

This site is for you.  If you would like to read more on certain subjects and less on others; please make your opinions known in comments.  Thank you.

 

Thanks for stopping by.  Please come again soon.  I love company and my door is always open.

 

At your service,

 

Jeannie

 

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